My sprint triathlon, in 5 very short acts

Our protagonist, the night before the race, googles "what to wear for a triathlon when it's 50 degrees" while fretting and worrying. She cuts the toes off some socks to wear for arm warmers, and packs long biking tights. And fleece gloves.


Act 1: The Swim


Wow, am I really doing this? I guess so. OK, starting now!


Blub, glub, panic panic, flail, get kicked, kick others, repeat for half a mile. Leave water exhausted from the wasted effort of panicking.


Act 2: The Bike


La la la, I'm a biker. I bike. Shiny new bike. La la la!


Act 3: The Run, Mile 1


Ow! Shin splints! Jelly legs! Oy!


Act 4: The Run, Mile 2


OK. This is going pretty well. I can finish this. It's a lot harder to drink out of a paper cup while running than you would think, though.


Act 5: The Run, Mile 3


At 1 hour, 44 minutes after I started, I ask a bystander what time it is. It's the first indication I have of my time. I realize that I am well within my goal of finishing in less than two hours. I speed up, feeling great! I see my family cheering me on! I start wondering where the finish line actually is!


Excuse me, where is the finish line? No, seriously, how far is it? I can't see it. Oh, hurrah, it's over, and I never have to do that again! I wonder what my time is?


Several hours later, I check my results online. One hour, 49 minutes. Yeah, baby!


Note: the arm warmers, long biking tights, and fleece gloves were not used. Plenty warm in just a shirt and biking shorts. You know what everyone says, "If you are cold, you aren't working hard enough."