Two out of three ain't bad

I can tell it's important to you and all....




But Chist on a stick, if you're going to be all high and mighty about it, can you please make an effort on spelling?

The magic of Christmas

N on left, me on right

Boo has been making Christmas cards for a few years now. I'd say three, maybe four. She has always enjoyed doing crafts, so it seemed like a good way to channel her energy for the weeks leading up to the holidays. I always had extra store-bought cards for if/when her creativity dried up. I certainly didn't want to be some horrible mom, forcing the poor kid to make card after card, the tears and the glitter mingling.

It's supposed to be a happy memory.

Which is why I only make Nea do one or two cards a year, since she hates crafts.

Anyway. One step in our creative process is cutting up the more useable cards from the previous year. I give you one such repurposed card, surrounded by more innocent efforts.

I wish you could see the glitter in the fartcloud better.

N and I really egged her on, among our peals of laughter. Her comment was "Are you sure this is appropriate?" Great. Outdone in maturity by a seven-year-old. Ouch.

My best effort for what the inside of the card should say was, "Wow, even his farts smell like Christmas!" I think N's was, "The magic of Christmas lies in your farts," but I could be misremembering. I was laughing pretty hard.

Holiday downsizing ideas

I enjoy reading about other people's perspectives on holiday gift-giving. An idea we are not implementing, but that I like in principle, is the 4-gift Christmas: something to wear, something to read, something you want, something you need. Perhaps you can suggest this to the grandparents, if they tend toward the Giant Pile of Plastic every year.

Another idea that I am using comes from Bitch Ph.D. A booklet of certificates for activities, instead of things. Makes a great stocking stuffer!

• good for one trip to the playground
• good for one trip to [local pizza joint]
• good for one trip to the park
• good for one trip to the library
• good for one playdate with a friend
• good for one trip to the pool
• good for one trip to the zoo
• good for one trip to the Morton Arboretum
• good for one hour of cuddle time in bed
• good for one movie with popcorn
• good for one bike ride
• good for one obstacle course challenge
• good for one session of cookie baking
• good for one picnic

I'm going print them out on fancy paper, cut them out and staple them into a book. I'll probably draw pictures to explain them for Nea.

Because, as we all know deep down inside, our kids really want to hang out and have fun with us more than they want another Littlest Pet Shop toy or video game. At least that's what I believe.

Speech therapy games and ideas

Need some new ideas for speech practice at home? Here's a CASANA list that might be useful.

One of my favorites

i carry your heart by e e cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Yeah, yeah, it goes to 11

I've had my doubts about the pain rating scale that doctors use for quite awhile. If you've seen a doctor in the past 8 years or so for anything pain-related, you've seen it.

Image 1: Happy smiling face at 1, crying sad face at 10.

NPR even had a story a week ago about what a breakthrough this was on helping people manage their pain. Um, ok. If I'm discussing pain with a doctor, it's at least a 5, or I'd be at home, drinking tea on the couch. Anyone who says 10 is either addicted to painkillers (and hoping to score more) or lacking in imagination.

Let's take that old standard, childbirth, as a ten. Well, what if you were giving birth and someone started stabbing you repeatedly in the foot? While splashing boiling water on you? And pulling out chunks of your hair? You'd feel silly then, wouldn't you. You'd already self-reported your pain at the top of the scale.

So, under the premise that "It could always be worse" (my personal rallying cry), let's just save 9 and 10 for wartime and torture. So we've now shrunk the useable part of the pain scale from 5-8. That's not much of a range.

All this to say I have pleurisy. After my usual hemming and hawing, I gave it a 6.

Did I mention that UnitedHealthcare sucks?

Yeah, the problem with giving free tote bags to people when you give crap service is that they might, I dunno, change them. And carry them all over town. A lot. (previous post on UHC saga with advice)

So, UHC lied and said they paid those 3 speech therapy sessions from November 2008. As in, a year ago. The last several times I talked to them they said, "You no longer have coverage with us." And I said, "No shit. I'm still trying to get you to pay for something that every person I've spoken with at UHC says we should be covered for under our gap exception FROM LAST YEAR."

So I heard a rumor that the insurance companies hate it when you file a complaint with the state's Department of Insurance (Illinois). I hear there's loads of paperwork. So tomorrow is my last call to UHC.

Thanks to the power of Twitter, here's just a few of the dates when I've tried to get these claims fixed:

• I'm on hold with United F'ing HealthCare.
  9:43 AM Jul 27th
• Can NOT believe that UHC still hasn't paid 3 Easter Seals bills from November. Q: Could they possibly suck more? A: No.
  7:10 AM Jul 27th
• UHC rejected our 3 claims from November 2008 *again*. They once again assured me that they will be corrected this time! No, really!
  9:28 AM Jul 30th
• On phone with UHC about those 3 November charges AGAIN. Do NOT use UHC if you have a choice! #UHC sucks
  11:59 AM Sep 4th
• Look at me! On phone with United Health"Care"! Again! Person telling me how it's probably my fault November dates not processing. #UHC sucks
  10:05 AM Sep 14th
• Just wrapped up a call with United Health"Care" regarding those same! 3 November! dates. Feel strangely optimistic that they might fix them.
  9:52 AM Sep 21st

We've had BCBS for a year now. It's been fantastic.